such a great pretender...

i'm trying to control everything that is happening today...specially my emotion...

i have to hide it!i have to shed it..
i have to pretend that everything was okey, that everything was going smoothly...

i just hate myself for being so foolish..
for being to kind...
for being to good to be true...
for being so stupid...

i just have this stupid feeling that we will be ok again STUPID!...

i just can't control my tears, when we have this short conversation thru SMS
i was really surprise...
i can't help but wipe my tears when he said sorry...(for no known reason i cried, nd i can't shed it!!i know someone saw me nasa parlor kc me dat tym)
i feel his sincerity when he said so...
i know he might thought that i'm ok now...that i pushed him away
but if he just know what my real feeling is...
if u just know how much i want to keep u...
nd i hope u know it...

my warm condolence for you...
i will always be here for you, no matter what

"(

VIVA ATENEO!..one big fight!

it is really a one big fight for ateneo blue eagle...

they won with flying colors...

i'm really a self confessed frustrated atenean...

i really wanted to study in ateneo...

nd sayang i dont had a chance to watch the game live in araneta today..

i had no idea that the game today is ateneo vs. la salle

so i just watch it in studio 23...

they won hehehe

I miss the UAAP fever, the huge crowd..

all out ang support ni chris tiu nd l.a tenorio sa former team nila..

same wid other former player of la salle like macky cardona..

but anyways..

rabeh is really a great player he deserve to be MVP...galing panalo ang mga moves nia

same with nonoy baclao nd erik salamat (which i read from jiggy cruz blog former pres. cory aquino like nonoy baclao)

nd of course jia reyes, nd long...the whole team of ateneo...

it is really a ONE BIG FIGHT..

salamat, paalam 'tay abad

it's been a year of battle...my lolo passed away last august 2..

he suffered from esophageal mass cancer (one of the leading disorder, that cause death)..

last december when he first diagnosed esophageal cancer in lady matiatrix in lipa batangas, the option in order him to survive is to undergone operation, but my lolo refused...

by late december and early january of this year the family decided to ask for second opinion in one of the known cancer home in tarlac in Farah Arsenio Care for Cancer Patient nd Nursing Home...until they decided to go back in batangas nd last august 2 he passed away, without us knowing...we are all their in batangas that time, but unfortunately no one witness his last breath, no one heard his last word...he passed away peacefully

it's been a year of battle...but now his gone, now his with our Almighty God side, his now our angel, our guardian...

we might called him in different way, some called him mamay, some called him tatay abad, some called him lolo nd my grandmother called him "pareng abad"...

my lolo passed away at age of 75, not that bad actually...but the fact that really hurt us is everytime we saw him in pain, we saw him suffered from dysphagia, the sudden weight loss...we dont want him to suffer from more pain...since he celebrated his 75th birthday i already accepted the fact that anytime he will gone thu it's really painful...but i don't want him to suffer to more pain...i can no longer look at him evrytime we visit him, his already bedridden, he can no longer eat...and it hurt us much when we saw his situation...

WHAT I REMEMBER TO MY LOLO?

i would always remember his last word to me: "salamat ah!"...
i was really touch when my lolo say thank you to me that was last june when i accompanied him in his weekly check-up, malakas pa sya dat time...

nd i remember when we are still a kid, takot kame sa kanya, kc madalas lasing cia noon, nd i remember umiiyak na ako noon kapag parating na sia, nd mahilig cia mglaro ng tong-its dati me mga classmate pa nga cia kapag nglalaro nd one time nakapagserve aq ng meryenda sa kanila...

but as days goes by, malaki pinagbago nia, naging mabiro na sia sa amin mga apo nia, makulit pa nga cia...napaka bait nia...

i might never got a chance to say thank you to him, but you know, wherever are you now, "i wat to say thank u, for being our lolo, now that you're gone i promise you that we will take care your beloved widow, our lola so much, thank you for all the memories, learnings nd knowledge u impart to us, you will always be here in my heart mamay...nd mahal na mahal ka nmin..."

we know that you are happy now, now that you reunited to your father...

mahal na mahal ka nmin...